Warning: This is a TMI post. if you dont like it, dont read it :)

My water broke!! or at least thats what it felt like! (okay maybe not that extreme) So I started my progesterone capsules today and I thought they wouldn't be as messy as the suppositories. boy was I wrong. Tyson asked me if I was peeing down my leg.... ha! hello to the diapers again!! Oh well, we gotta do what we gotta do. My only concern is swimsuit??? We are going to knights action park next week, boating, pool parties. and especially if I take my midday dose.... hmmm, any suggestions??

gypsy

could anyone else just listen to fleetwood mac all day? or is that just me?

a moment of sadness

today im sad im not 8 months pregnant (or 6 months or 5 months). i told tyson the other day that i should have a huge belly right now. i should be feeling those kicks and have a baby room all prepared for my little one to come home to. but we have none of those things. someday.

cabin

this is our specific cabin we are staying in:

http://www.mountainchalets.com/Rentals/unit_ATOP.aspx

all the cabins are so cheap and really nice. it would be fun to go back with a group of people sometime. they have everything you need for cooking and grilling out too. im so excited :)

summer laziness

not much new here in my world. got a cute little tattoo yesterday. thinking about all the stuff I need to be doing around my house and not doing it. ahh gotta love summer break laziness! but I have been working out still. I ran 3 miles today woot woot. I have to since I'm signed up for the 5k in Nokomis July 10. Running is killing me though. I can do a little under 2 miles and feel good. I hate running over 3 miles and feeling like I wish my leg would break so it will be over. I wanna start a 2 mile race for lazy people like me. I could maybe win something like that. And I'm not supposed to have any tight clothes or anything rubbing this tat. Its kinda impossible on your hip. Oh well, it will survive.

tonight I have a retirement party for my principal at the KC Hall and my husband ditched me for work... imagine that! then tomorrow I have A LOT to do! Lacey's baby shower real quick like, Mila's 1st bday part in STL real quick like, then get back for my cousin's reception real quick like.... again, all by myself. My husband worked his 2 days off this week and in 2 weeks he is working his 2 days off that week too. A good friend is coming in from out of state and I am throwing a dinner party when he is gone. He pretty much works everyday of his life! I think people think I'm joking when I say I'm married b/c no one ever sees him. The family at the wedding I am going to this weekend hasn't ever even met him!!! How f-ing sad! Thats my husband-on his own plan. But of course I still love that man!

now off to get a pork chop for lunch and some spray paint for a gun?? OH and we aren't going to colorado anymore. We booked a cabin in the Smokies :) We are so excited! and I have my hub all to myself for a whole week!! have a great weekend all! xo

tattooooo

so ive been wanting to get a tattoo and now i think i am getting 2 wednesday and an ear piercing. kinda random. and i might be having a few other people getting tattoos with me... :) yipee

the exciting conference call

just as i figured, the conference call wasn't anything i didn't already know. she just said all tests are fine so try again when im ready. miss pessimistic that i am, i had to ask, "so what if it happens again". she just said we would do a d/c asap and test the tissue b/c there is still a 50% chance that a loss would be from a chromosomal defect even though we aren't carriers. so although we want to be positive going into another pregnancy, that isn't so easy. she also said she will put me on progesterone after i ovulate. may not help, but doesn't hurt. i am hoping for oral meds this time though :) but i wont complain either way. from what i read in the past, you start it the day after ovulate but stop the day before you are supposed to start your period, unless you find out you are pregnant you continue. sounds complicated, but im glad i get to start it earlier (at 2 weeks pregnant), rather than in the past when I have started at 4-5 weeks pregnant.

so ive been thinking... my specialist is really nice, but sometimes its frustrating feeling like no one knows whats going on. I had started to read a couple books that I ordered months ago, but got distracted with the house project. One is called Coming to Term, and it discusses how drs treat miscarriages like infertility. So they run similar tests that really don't have to do with things that cause m/c. My dr did even tell me that in the medical field, they do not actually know what causes m/c, but they look at things that COULD cause it and try to fix those. So it is frustrating, but since science can't even solve my problem, there is even more reason to trust in God! :) The other book I got was Silent Sorority. It talks about women WITHOUT children-rarely heard of. how society assume all women have children and how to conquer moving forward with your life without the things you have always dreamt of and hurdling the common questions that i used to ask and many others ask, such as "when are you gonna have kids?" I HATE THIS QUESTION!! I probably didn't think much of it before, but now when i get asked that question not I turn red, wonder what others around me who know my situation are thinking, and hope that someday I won't have people ask me that question anymore. I am more hopeful lately... even if I do have to go through many more losses. My journey is only making me stronger, more thankful, and closer with God. It will all be worth it in the end, baby or no baby. I've came this far in life growing through all my experiences and I will make it through this too! Have a wonderous week all!! love love