still busy with work

i have been so busy with work all month. i guess its just that time of the year for me-annual reviews, evals, paperwork, meetings, meetings, meetings. (sigh) i wish i saw in there the words "planning time" and "therapy with the kids". it seems like there is less of that and it gets pushed to the bottom of the list when it should be at the top. hopefully someday we will have more funding for education and i will get an assistant like i need. ha! a girl can dream though. going in early and staying late almost every night is not fun. ive said this before, but i would love a job where i floated around the office all day filing things, making people coffee, and doing things that didnt require my brain to bring home everything i need to be doing for the next day. but i do have to say i really do like what i do for a living and im just thankful to have a job and an income.

tyson is taking me to chicago in a few weeks as my christmas present. im super excited. it will be super relaxing. the main events for the weekend are shopping, massages, sushi, steakhouse, and bears game! im sure we will find lots of other fun activities throughout the weekend.

i had a nice thanksgiving break. visited with friends and had some laughs. family time and ate lots. loved all my adorable niece for an entire day (probably my favorite part). shopped with crazy people on black friday. had a little luncheon for my gfs. put up the christmas tree. wrapped presents. more shopping. finished wrapping presents. now im all ready for christmas and its a whole month away. im enjoying this beautiful tree and all the lovely gifts under it.

well i guess thats pretty much my life lately. i hope all you bloggers had a great turkey day and are getting excited for the joyful christmas season. love love.

1 whole year

sunday was kinda a sad day for me. it didnt help when we were at my gmas and our cousin announced they are prego with their 3rd. i felt like someone punched my in the face. or maybe i was hoping someone would. so of course the was the conversation for the rest of the night. tyson just gave me the look and i knew he felt just like i did. oh and they also said they will keep trying til they get a girl. its always so hard for me to hear that b/c i would kill for 1 healthy baby regardless of gender. tysons quote from a past pregnancy when i asked him what he thought we were having: "i dont care if its a goat as long as its healthy." one goat coming right up! okay so back to why i was sad. 1 year ago sunday we were celebrating thanksgiving at my moms. i was a few days late for my period. im NEVER late for my period, but as i know now when you are pregnant you can get cramps and gassy and feel just like you do when you are having your period so i just thought maybe stress or something was keeping it away. my cousin who was trying to get pregnant at the same time was like TAKE A TEST! so i was like whatevs ill get one. i came home peed on the thing and was COMPLETELY shocked. i dropped whatever i was holding at the time and starting crying with joy!! tyson was at the bar watching football with his fam and i had to threaten his life to get him to come home. i surprised him in a fun way and it was our anniversary of our first date and our engagement. i will always remember how joyful that experience was. i have been happy with our other pregnancies, but never that excited. i miscarried early thanksgiving morning. worst feeling in the world.

since then we have had the excitement and let down repeated 3 more times. too many u/s to count. lots of needles. cytotec. labor at home with my mom by my side. specialists. d&c. therapists. many other things i never thought i would have to experience. its crazy that we have been through all that in just a years time. no wonder im so insane :) currently im trying to shut off that part of my mind as much as i can, stay calm, and go through everyday as normal as i can. this thanksgiving im so thankful for my husband. no matter what happens in our lives i know that i am truly blessed that he is a part of my life forever. im thankful he understands me and is so loving no matter how crazy i get. he is my best buddy ever.

my current fav

hi im mrs tired pants

does anyone else always feel tired? i mean always. i never feel like i have energy. it doesnt help that today was pj day at school so i think it made me feel more tired. ive worked late every night this week as well. its nice to be home by 4 today and im gonna stay in these pjs til tomorrow. to do list by early tomorrow: clean everything in the house, make buggle snack thing, get stuff for green beanie casserole, order outside lights, and i think thats it for now but im sure ill find more to do before then. and my fav cousins are in town so im sure ill be hanging with them all weekend. i hope everyone has a fabulous pre-thanksgiving weekend! xo

merry thanksgiving!

dont the holidays just bring so much cheer?!! although i feel broke, i LOVE buying gifts for others! although i hope they truly like the gift b/c everything i buy i want for myself too! i have been in such a great mood after shopping lately. maybe its just the shopping that im addicted too? i have pretty much all my christmas shopping done. im getting ready to order more on llbean here in a second. tj and i were supposed to have a date night but he got a call out. so im enjoying alone time and shopping online and watching e!news. i cant wait til black friday. i think im only getting one gift that day for someone else but i am getting us a new flat screen tv :) ill be tackling people at 3 am for my lcd beauty. i hope everyone else is having lots of shopping fun!! xo

beer bread+asiago dip

if someone saw me eating right now they would probably think i look like a wild animal. im shoveling food down my throat with both hands like my husband has been starving me for weeks. disgusting. gym starts NEXT monday. until then i guess i will continue eating like there is no tomorrow! ah how i love food!!

dr tse

so i met my new ob/gyn today and i think we have a winner! (or at least i hope) my wonderful jenna recommended her and after some research i thought we should switch. and she is also a wash u-ian so i figured it couldnt hurt to have my specialist and ob out of the same place. i really did like my old dr but she just kinda seemed to not have a lot of experience with rpl (recurrent pregnancy loss) and my new dr specializes in it along with many other high risk pregnancy conditions. she told me that all the drs at that practice have had a m/c and i know my specialist has too. its crazy how common it is but no one talks about it. although they haven't been through multiple losses with no children, its nice to feel like the person treating you completely understands your pain. i started crying when she said "the moment you pee on that stick you become a mom." you mommies out there know its so true. your every move, thought, action, etc is based around your little baby you are growing inside. anyways..... she assured me that if/when we get pregnant and if/when we are released from the specialist within the first trimester, that she will see me every other week until im 20 weeks and can feel the baby moving all the time. im glad i wont have to wait a month b/w each appointment wondering if baby's heart is still beating. she even said if im having a bad week to just come in and they will do an u/s. this chick rocks for all these reasons. in the first trimester we will have to do "the first look" to see if there is anything chromosomally wrong with the baby through a special scan and maybe some bloodwork to see if we are "high risk". but hopefully we wont have to worry about being high risk and can just have a normal pregnancy. ha! if only this whole journey was that easy. in conclusion, my new dr is awesome and made me feel even more secure that i will be well taken care of. although no one can stop a m/c from happening, i feel like im surrounded by really educated professionals who will take care of me, hub, and future baby h. love love!