1 whole year

sunday was kinda a sad day for me. it didnt help when we were at my gmas and our cousin announced they are prego with their 3rd. i felt like someone punched my in the face. or maybe i was hoping someone would. so of course the was the conversation for the rest of the night. tyson just gave me the look and i knew he felt just like i did. oh and they also said they will keep trying til they get a girl. its always so hard for me to hear that b/c i would kill for 1 healthy baby regardless of gender. tysons quote from a past pregnancy when i asked him what he thought we were having: "i dont care if its a goat as long as its healthy." one goat coming right up! okay so back to why i was sad. 1 year ago sunday we were celebrating thanksgiving at my moms. i was a few days late for my period. im NEVER late for my period, but as i know now when you are pregnant you can get cramps and gassy and feel just like you do when you are having your period so i just thought maybe stress or something was keeping it away. my cousin who was trying to get pregnant at the same time was like TAKE A TEST! so i was like whatevs ill get one. i came home peed on the thing and was COMPLETELY shocked. i dropped whatever i was holding at the time and starting crying with joy!! tyson was at the bar watching football with his fam and i had to threaten his life to get him to come home. i surprised him in a fun way and it was our anniversary of our first date and our engagement. i will always remember how joyful that experience was. i have been happy with our other pregnancies, but never that excited. i miscarried early thanksgiving morning. worst feeling in the world.

since then we have had the excitement and let down repeated 3 more times. too many u/s to count. lots of needles. cytotec. labor at home with my mom by my side. specialists. d&c. therapists. many other things i never thought i would have to experience. its crazy that we have been through all that in just a years time. no wonder im so insane :) currently im trying to shut off that part of my mind as much as i can, stay calm, and go through everyday as normal as i can. this thanksgiving im so thankful for my husband. no matter what happens in our lives i know that i am truly blessed that he is a part of my life forever. im thankful he understands me and is so loving no matter how crazy i get. he is my best buddy ever.