If you are a DISH customer

go to www.fansfightback.com. DISH is trying to take E! and Style network :( Its no joke. No more Kardashians, giuliana and bill, E! news, kendra, and other shows I don't ever like to admit I watch but some how I see every episode like bridalplasty and jerseylicious. its pretty bad my life revolves around tv. it will be a sad day if its taken away. and it happens tomorrow... jan 1!! so go do it now!!!!

contacts

today i got contacts. it sucks. they scare me. they hurt to put in and take out and i feel like they hold me back from life! ha! i wanted to just doze off on the couch but nope cant do that b/c you cant sleep with contacts in. you cant shower with contacts in (wtf). you have to use hairspray before you put in contacts but makeup after. i mean seriously who came up with all these rules. there is a long list of other rules they sent me home with. i think its all silliness. i dont think i even need contacts. i actually feel like im seeing worse with them. its foggy and i cant read up close anymore, which was never a problem. they dont have the left eye contact that i need so im wearing one that sits on my eye crooked and the right one is supposedly correct. oh and i have astigmatism. that doesnt make sense b/c if you are born with it then why now am i just having vision problems. and why didnt they tell me this at my first appt. maybe i need to find an actual dr instead of walmart vision center.

3rd post of the day

just a friendly reminder that Stamp Out Cancer is coming up reeeeeal quick! i think all my buds are able to make it except beth :( she will be running her little tooshie off in Disneyworld! im a little jelly-not about the running part tho. anyway, Stamp Out Cancer will be from 6p-midnight January 8 at Hillsboro Country Club. there will be a silent auction, 50/50, celebrity bartenders competing to see who can raise the most $, Ramblin' Blues Band, and lots of fun! i hope you are all able to make it and help support the cause in memory of my stepdad Ron "Stamps" Wygal. love love!

other random pics

This is when we went to the apple orchard in the fall.

3 years of love!

Chicago freezing-ass-cold Bears game!

Christmas eve. We are hot!!

Christmas morn

workout party

so ive been working my body out! and it feels so great! ive not been back to running b/c my knees have been hurting but just long distance walks and a lot of weights and toning. i cant even breathe without my muscles hurting. its gonna suck after the new year when the gym is PACKED with people though. and of course we all know i wanna be pregnant, but it sucks b/c as soon as i do the dr says feet up for 12 weeks! working out is not the issue in my eyes so if i do become pregnant im still gonna try to keep doing light walking and maybe a little yoga. and if i can sneak by, a little light weight lifting. im enjoying these pipes. plus ill need them for when little babe gets here. right now i can hold a baby for about 3 minutes before my arms start shaking of fatigue. i know im a wimp :) renee and i did this kick ass class this morning... aaaand we were the only people there. then renee left for work and i was all alone. it felt like a personal training session. my legs are still shaking. well im gonna stretch out and read my new cookbook before i meet kimmy girl at the gym for a walk. (do you like how i referred to my mom, tyk?) happy day all! oh this a disgusting pic i promised my sis i would post. gotta love photo booth. i know we look mentally impaired and deformed :)

first day of vaca... sort of

although we started holiday break last week, we have been so busy that it feels like today is the first day. but i kept busy today too. i ran to litchfield to get new glasses and contacts (my eyes keep getting worse :( ) buuuut too bad the dr isnt in on mondays. so i ran all over to businesses to give out stamp out cancer donation letters. im quite excited that litchfield jewelry is giving some cute stuff! thursday ill head back out to do some more begging and pick up some of the items promised. and ill have my sis with me so it always helps to have another body with you to do something like that. people dont wanna say no to TWO pretty faces :) so after that i met my sis at the gym and did an awesome new class and my body is feeling it! tj and i just made some yummy steaks and salad. and now shower before watching zombieland-thanks for the recommendation dan!! im sure we will have to have homemade popcorn too :) ahhh why cant every day be a holiday break!

dana's life today

today was an off day for me. not sure what triggers got me to thinking baby thoughts... maybe just another year coming to an end. and 2 years of baby making complete with a lot of scary stories in between. i think also a relative (who i love so much) is in town and we were do like literally the same day and we would both have little boys. her pregnancy is still moving along great, and well you know my life story. i kind of dodged seeing her this weekend. i know thats might sound mean, but i always think what if i just broke down in tears in front of her. she might think im a mega biotch. my bff jaym would cry with me if i cried when she was pregnant. i dont think everyone is as understanding as that, so avoiding situations are sometimes easier for me.

my eyes filled up with tears today in church praying so hard for a little miracle. i guess some days are just more emotional than others. and its hard on me and tj too. i know guys handle things different-like avoidance. so i try to minimize baby talk around him. but some days we are on the same page of talking about things. like the other day he said something about a hopeful future baby being born on his bday, then tonight when i brought up baby stuff it was a major no no. ugh. why does this all have to be so hard? im just as sick of all of this as he is.

the past few months ive done what im supposed to do and have faith when you absolutely have no idea of the outcome. and be hopeful in a situation that has let you down multiple times. being positive sucks and today i dont wanna be that. it is a lot harder to be positive and convince yourself all these great things will happen when reality has shown you quite the opposite. so today im going to not smile and say "oh it will happen when its supposed to. God has a plan. Think positive and it will happen." bullshit. I say "this fucking sucks and quit telling me things that you can't promise. im pissed and id like to stay that way for at least tonight." :) goodnight blogtown

another post from my fellow rpl-ers

Cut this out and paste it in a word document. Then, print it out. Put it in your purse, wallet, pocket any where you can have immediate access to it. When needed, escape to a bathroom and pull out and read. If that's not possible, simply place your hand on it and do your best to remember what it says:

I am an amazing woman. I am a mother. I have been through hell and back. My fight is not over. I will get through this. No one else has to understand the feelings I have, and very few can. There's a group of women spread all across this country that are here for me when others can't be, and they know, as I do, that I am an amazing woman and a wonderful mother. -Moms with Only Angel Babies

hmmmm

i wonder if giuliana will email me back? stalker or besties? :)

chocolate martini please

tonight on the menu:

chocolate martinis

girlfriends

bbq brisket

wine

potatoes

laughing

green bean bundles

music

salad

presents

turtle cheesecake

chocolate martinis

:)

courage

tysons dad wrote us the sweetest letter and had a little part in there for me telling me how strong i am going through so much this year and his hopeful thoughts for us. i was so happy he wrote that. so many people ignore everything that has happened to us when we still deal with it every day. i know how it goes though. after the loss of my parents and gparents, everyone goes on living their lives and you just feel alone. so as ive said before, i want to talk about things. dont be scared to bring it up b/c it reallly helps me and it makes me feel loved when people show their concern.

here is a post from a girl on one of my m/c groups:

So many times you hear people talk about courage. We all figure that we know what that word means but I am not sure we truly do until we see it first hand. For me, I know that our brave soldiers have courage for doing what they are doing, and I know that the firefighters, police, and many others who do great things for our lives have courage... I know that it takes courage to try new things (like starting college after being out of school for years or starting a new business) but I had never thought of myself as courageous before. I had never seen what courage really was. I hadn't been able to put a picture to the word and I think that now I have more than one picture... I have millions...

Courage is the woman who has seen such great loss but keeps moving on with life and all the things that need done on a day to day basis. Courage is the person that has held a baby in her arms that is not breathing and cried tears of loss for that child and then brought herself back up to try again to bring that precious life into this world. It is courage that is seen when you see a woman who is TTC for months and months (and years and years) on end that arrives at the baby shower for the friend who is about to have her 2nd/3rd/4th/etc child and smiles. Courage is the woman who finds red again on a trip to the bathroom and knows that this month didn't work for her but doesn't just give up but finds a way to start planning for next month. Courage is the woman who has tried so long her heart is only a shattered remnant of what it was and decides that she WILL give a child a home and love even if she cannot do it through her own womb. It is courage that brings all the wonderful women to this site and this board and it is courage that keeps us going on each day. It is courage that allows a woman who has seen such loss to be scared and excited in the same exact moment when that second line finally appears on the stick. Courage is what allows us to survive and I think that we are courage... not only for ourselves but for others...

So if you want a picture of courage... I have a simple way for you to find it. Go to your bathroom and stand in front of the mirror... take a good hard look and keep that picture with you when times are hard... because that is the picture of courage! Want more pictures of courage? Log into BBC and look through your friend's list... look through the board comments... look really hard... because those are the pictures of courage that you can call on when you can't seem to find that first picture of courage ... those other pictures of courage will lend you some of theirs...

We have more than just plain courage... we have group courage because together we are even stronger and together we can help to remind each other that our rainbow babies are out there and we are courageous!

finally a day to catch up

my life has been crazy busy lately! on top of all my meetings and work stuff, we left right after school last thursday to head up to chicago. it took us 2 extra hours b/c the roads were horrible! we had a really nice weekend. my fav parts were sushi, massages, shopping, and visiting with his cousins Dustin and baby Wil. sunday was fun. we got all geared up to go to the freezing bears game. we found a little bar that was packed with people and started the party. after walking to soldier field i was actually warm and had a few drinks in me so i thought id be able to last the whole game. man was i wrong. i left before the 1st quarter. i felt bad but i was in tears i was so unbearably freezing cold! so i got a cab back to the hotel and got some cocoa and warmed up. the guys stayed at the game to watch the bears lose :( it took us 2 extra hours on the way home as well due to ice. i was happy for a snow day monday to catch up on sleep. but tyce threw his back out monday so we spent the day going to the dr, getting him drugged up, making him chili, and playing nurse. then came tuesday-i had to head to springfield to get my barstools (that have taken 2 1/2 months to come in and weren't delivered like they were supposed to be) and my new living room furniture. but it all didnt fit in my mom car :( and then when we get back to raymond, we discover my tire is completely flat. so wednesday was just like tuesday-go to springfield to get the rest of the furniture and pick up my car with the fixed tire. then fly home to get to another meeting. then hurry home from there b/c my mom and her bf were at the my house unloading my furniture since tysons laid up. so let me tell you, i am very happy to have another day off of school today. my house is a disaster since i pretty much have not been home enough to clean since last week.

tomorrow is my girls christmas party woot woot! then saturday is christmas at my mommys :) im so ready for the weekend!! now i just have to get my house ready! have a great ice day everyone! xo

sundee fun dee

so my day started out waking up at 4 am so tj could go do some secret agent work stuff. i was able to fall back asleep for a few hours and when i woke up i found out he is doing more work stuff out of town and who knows when he will be back. it really stinks being alone so much. on his days off he is always getting calls to do something else for work. so i was sad for a second and now im turning that frown upside down! after i get myself outta this bed and halfway presentable to the world im gonna go pick up our deer meat. today on the menu: italian venison sandwiches-thanks mandy and schy for the recipe. while that is slow cooking im gonna clean up this house and shine my sink! :) thank you to my sister for giving me the info for flylady.net. i am going to try to start today. but i know myself and i have a feeling this program isnt gonna last long for me. but hey ill give it a shot! ill be listening to she and him courtesy of raymee jo while trying to become a fly lady. after that hopefully tj will be home and we can go to church together before our (hopefully) yummy meal. have a happy sunday all y'all!

refreshed

i feel so refreshed after my counseling appt today. no new developments, i just feel accomplished. it was kind of reassuring myself that i am making progress and i like this happy place ive been in. the past hour ive been enjoying my new fav wine (blackberry from litchfield winery) and making us a homemade pizza. its so fun to knead dough. hub has a few more minutes of sleep before i go jump on him and wake him up! i love thursday nights. they feel like a special holiday. its like a celebration that tomorrow is the last day of work. it always involves wine and lots of good tv shows. happy thursday blog people. xo