the exciting conference call

just as i figured, the conference call wasn't anything i didn't already know. she just said all tests are fine so try again when im ready. miss pessimistic that i am, i had to ask, "so what if it happens again". she just said we would do a d/c asap and test the tissue b/c there is still a 50% chance that a loss would be from a chromosomal defect even though we aren't carriers. so although we want to be positive going into another pregnancy, that isn't so easy. she also said she will put me on progesterone after i ovulate. may not help, but doesn't hurt. i am hoping for oral meds this time though :) but i wont complain either way. from what i read in the past, you start it the day after ovulate but stop the day before you are supposed to start your period, unless you find out you are pregnant you continue. sounds complicated, but im glad i get to start it earlier (at 2 weeks pregnant), rather than in the past when I have started at 4-5 weeks pregnant.

so ive been thinking... my specialist is really nice, but sometimes its frustrating feeling like no one knows whats going on. I had started to read a couple books that I ordered months ago, but got distracted with the house project. One is called Coming to Term, and it discusses how drs treat miscarriages like infertility. So they run similar tests that really don't have to do with things that cause m/c. My dr did even tell me that in the medical field, they do not actually know what causes m/c, but they look at things that COULD cause it and try to fix those. So it is frustrating, but since science can't even solve my problem, there is even more reason to trust in God! :) The other book I got was Silent Sorority. It talks about women WITHOUT children-rarely heard of. how society assume all women have children and how to conquer moving forward with your life without the things you have always dreamt of and hurdling the common questions that i used to ask and many others ask, such as "when are you gonna have kids?" I HATE THIS QUESTION!! I probably didn't think much of it before, but now when i get asked that question not I turn red, wonder what others around me who know my situation are thinking, and hope that someday I won't have people ask me that question anymore. I am more hopeful lately... even if I do have to go through many more losses. My journey is only making me stronger, more thankful, and closer with God. It will all be worth it in the end, baby or no baby. I've came this far in life growing through all my experiences and I will make it through this too! Have a wonderous week all!! love love