vent

this post is about weight.  i understand being skinny to most people wouldnt seem like a problem.  and i am thankful im not overweight b/c i know that is a struggle for some people.  but being skinny isnt always easy.  ive always been small.  i was very small in jh and hs.  i looked like i was in 5th grade when i was a junior.  i hated it.  i wanted boys to like me but no one wanted someone who looked like a child.  i would shop with mandy and our moms and cry to my mom in the dressing room b/c i couldnt fit in the gap jeans like mandy got that were so cool.  back to the kids section where there are no cool clothes for a high schooler.  then in college i gained the freshman 20 (in my case) and then thinned out a little after college when i stopped eating ramen and lipton noodle packs everyday.  i really became a pretty healthy eater after college.  people think when you eat healthy you are trying to lose weight and almost give you a hard time about it.  but i dont think noodle packets have anything in them that my body needs and i was tired of dragging everyday.  so over the past few years i get the usual comments about being thin which is fine... I am.  but at least i wasnt super stick skinny like hs.  i got pregnant and gained 35 lbs which no one ever believes that i truly did but whatevs.  now im breastfeeding and most of you know i have an altered diet b/c of hazels dairy and soy intolerance (which is really just eating extremely healthy).  with both of these things, i have become stick skinny again.  and EVERYONE loves to comment about it.  even the random customer at the hospital who isnt even my patient.  not one time, but 3 times he says something.  and the last comment that really pisses me right off is "you need to eat something".  sooo you are implying that i dont eat.  i dont care if you are big or small i dont think you should comment on size.  okay no big deal if you are trying to be nice.  like people say 'wow youre so little after having a baby'-thats fine b/c i know they are trying to compliment.  but when you are saying it in a way implying that something is wrong with my weight is rude.  i dont go around saying, "wow you are so fat"  "you really need to stop eating as much"  "do you realize how big you really are".  i think people are just idiots.  and its embarrassing to me in front of coworkers, friends, my husband, even by myself.  now i have started to become really down about my appearance.  i hate going out in public and i try to wear big clothes to avoid the nasty comments.  after college i had learned to love my little body- my no ass, no boobs, etc and i am not complaining about being small b/c like i said i know it would be difficult to be the opposite.  im upset b/c people think its okay to say negative comments about it.  and i am constantly saying "oh i only weighed like 75 lbs in hs" so they know its just my body type.  or "oh you should see how much i eat" like tonight i ate a subway sandwich, pork steak, 2 eggs, a full serving of potatoes, chips and salsa, and a piece of cake within an hour.  seriously. (again im defending myself to even you my blog followers).  why do i say these things?  i shouldnt have to be on the defense.  i should let them say their stupid nasty comments and let them think what they want.  when they make the eating comment i should say, "nah i was just going to see how long i could go without food before i die".  i wonder what their reaction would be.  maybe they would shut their big FAT mouths and ill smile with my skinny little mouth.