Holshousers-party of 3!

so the last time i posted (not the one i posted 5 minutes ago of course) i was pretty devastated to end my days of pregnancy on a bad note.  after a few weeks of more soul searching and many, many discussions, i am feeling really good about the idea of hazel being our one and only child (here on earth).  i feel like there are so many reasons in our lives to be done.  obviously recurrent miscarriage being the main reason, but im also realizing its very important to my mental health.  my main priority currently is getting all my anxiety and depression under control that has taken over me the past 10 years.  trying to conceive makes me more anxious and depressed, i hold back from working out which is really important, and i cannot take certain medication (or i dont want to) if i could possibly be pregnant.  ive also realized just having a child makes me so much more anxious and stressed some days.  adding another for me would probably cause me to take my stress out on hazel or tyson, which makes none of our lives better.  why would i want to do that?  plus things that make me feel great are traveling, being outdoors and on adventures with my fam, and my relaxation time i get each night when haze goes to bed!  some people can do all these things with 2 or more kids.... me, not so much.  i was really hard on myself through the baby stage and im not sure its a great idea to go back.  im realizing how each person is different in what they can handle.  honestly im proud of myself for realizing what is best for my family and me and not making a choice mostly based just on what everyone else does.  of course there is still part of me that wants to be able to handle a big family, but i cant and thats okay.  ill spoil all my nieces and nephews and hazel will be close with them.  we are still very upset about all our losses but keep feeling like maybe its happening for a reason.  maybe i needed more time to think and i was so masked by the need to get pregnant again and show my body i can do it.  maybe not.  i really dont know.  but i do know that right now im very happy with our decision to have our little family of 3!