another post from my fellow rpl-ers

Cut this out and paste it in a word document. Then, print it out. Put it in your purse, wallet, pocket any where you can have immediate access to it. When needed, escape to a bathroom and pull out and read. If that's not possible, simply place your hand on it and do your best to remember what it says:

I am an amazing woman. I am a mother. I have been through hell and back. My fight is not over. I will get through this. No one else has to understand the feelings I have, and very few can. There's a group of women spread all across this country that are here for me when others can't be, and they know, as I do, that I am an amazing woman and a wonderful mother. -Moms with Only Angel Babies

hmmmm

i wonder if giuliana will email me back? stalker or besties? :)

chocolate martini please

tonight on the menu:

chocolate martinis

girlfriends

bbq brisket

wine

potatoes

laughing

green bean bundles

music

salad

presents

turtle cheesecake

chocolate martinis

:)

courage

tysons dad wrote us the sweetest letter and had a little part in there for me telling me how strong i am going through so much this year and his hopeful thoughts for us. i was so happy he wrote that. so many people ignore everything that has happened to us when we still deal with it every day. i know how it goes though. after the loss of my parents and gparents, everyone goes on living their lives and you just feel alone. so as ive said before, i want to talk about things. dont be scared to bring it up b/c it reallly helps me and it makes me feel loved when people show their concern.

here is a post from a girl on one of my m/c groups:

So many times you hear people talk about courage. We all figure that we know what that word means but I am not sure we truly do until we see it first hand. For me, I know that our brave soldiers have courage for doing what they are doing, and I know that the firefighters, police, and many others who do great things for our lives have courage... I know that it takes courage to try new things (like starting college after being out of school for years or starting a new business) but I had never thought of myself as courageous before. I had never seen what courage really was. I hadn't been able to put a picture to the word and I think that now I have more than one picture... I have millions...

Courage is the woman who has seen such great loss but keeps moving on with life and all the things that need done on a day to day basis. Courage is the person that has held a baby in her arms that is not breathing and cried tears of loss for that child and then brought herself back up to try again to bring that precious life into this world. It is courage that is seen when you see a woman who is TTC for months and months (and years and years) on end that arrives at the baby shower for the friend who is about to have her 2nd/3rd/4th/etc child and smiles. Courage is the woman who finds red again on a trip to the bathroom and knows that this month didn't work for her but doesn't just give up but finds a way to start planning for next month. Courage is the woman who has tried so long her heart is only a shattered remnant of what it was and decides that she WILL give a child a home and love even if she cannot do it through her own womb. It is courage that brings all the wonderful women to this site and this board and it is courage that keeps us going on each day. It is courage that allows a woman who has seen such loss to be scared and excited in the same exact moment when that second line finally appears on the stick. Courage is what allows us to survive and I think that we are courage... not only for ourselves but for others...

So if you want a picture of courage... I have a simple way for you to find it. Go to your bathroom and stand in front of the mirror... take a good hard look and keep that picture with you when times are hard... because that is the picture of courage! Want more pictures of courage? Log into BBC and look through your friend's list... look through the board comments... look really hard... because those are the pictures of courage that you can call on when you can't seem to find that first picture of courage ... those other pictures of courage will lend you some of theirs...

We have more than just plain courage... we have group courage because together we are even stronger and together we can help to remind each other that our rainbow babies are out there and we are courageous!

finally a day to catch up

my life has been crazy busy lately! on top of all my meetings and work stuff, we left right after school last thursday to head up to chicago. it took us 2 extra hours b/c the roads were horrible! we had a really nice weekend. my fav parts were sushi, massages, shopping, and visiting with his cousins Dustin and baby Wil. sunday was fun. we got all geared up to go to the freezing bears game. we found a little bar that was packed with people and started the party. after walking to soldier field i was actually warm and had a few drinks in me so i thought id be able to last the whole game. man was i wrong. i left before the 1st quarter. i felt bad but i was in tears i was so unbearably freezing cold! so i got a cab back to the hotel and got some cocoa and warmed up. the guys stayed at the game to watch the bears lose :( it took us 2 extra hours on the way home as well due to ice. i was happy for a snow day monday to catch up on sleep. but tyce threw his back out monday so we spent the day going to the dr, getting him drugged up, making him chili, and playing nurse. then came tuesday-i had to head to springfield to get my barstools (that have taken 2 1/2 months to come in and weren't delivered like they were supposed to be) and my new living room furniture. but it all didnt fit in my mom car :( and then when we get back to raymond, we discover my tire is completely flat. so wednesday was just like tuesday-go to springfield to get the rest of the furniture and pick up my car with the fixed tire. then fly home to get to another meeting. then hurry home from there b/c my mom and her bf were at the my house unloading my furniture since tysons laid up. so let me tell you, i am very happy to have another day off of school today. my house is a disaster since i pretty much have not been home enough to clean since last week.

tomorrow is my girls christmas party woot woot! then saturday is christmas at my mommys :) im so ready for the weekend!! now i just have to get my house ready! have a great ice day everyone! xo

sundee fun dee

so my day started out waking up at 4 am so tj could go do some secret agent work stuff. i was able to fall back asleep for a few hours and when i woke up i found out he is doing more work stuff out of town and who knows when he will be back. it really stinks being alone so much. on his days off he is always getting calls to do something else for work. so i was sad for a second and now im turning that frown upside down! after i get myself outta this bed and halfway presentable to the world im gonna go pick up our deer meat. today on the menu: italian venison sandwiches-thanks mandy and schy for the recipe. while that is slow cooking im gonna clean up this house and shine my sink! :) thank you to my sister for giving me the info for flylady.net. i am going to try to start today. but i know myself and i have a feeling this program isnt gonna last long for me. but hey ill give it a shot! ill be listening to she and him courtesy of raymee jo while trying to become a fly lady. after that hopefully tj will be home and we can go to church together before our (hopefully) yummy meal. have a happy sunday all y'all!

refreshed

i feel so refreshed after my counseling appt today. no new developments, i just feel accomplished. it was kind of reassuring myself that i am making progress and i like this happy place ive been in. the past hour ive been enjoying my new fav wine (blackberry from litchfield winery) and making us a homemade pizza. its so fun to knead dough. hub has a few more minutes of sleep before i go jump on him and wake him up! i love thursday nights. they feel like a special holiday. its like a celebration that tomorrow is the last day of work. it always involves wine and lots of good tv shows. happy thursday blog people. xo