ive always got some new plan on how to make life better. lately ive been purging all electronic toys and buying hazel toys that she can use her imagination with, along with creating activities to do out of natural materials. birthday and christmas will be fun!
but this week ive come across information on how to become a minimalist. it sounds like an awesome idea! but hard to achieve at the extreme level that some people are. these people have 5 shirts, 5 pairs of pants, and a couple pairs of shoes. usually no dressers in the bedroom or side tables in the living rooms. minimizing these things are proven to relieve stress b/c you have less maintenance, cleaning, and just liberating to live simply!
im realizing the more i read there is no right way to become a minimalist. do what works for you. it doesnt mean dressing or living like you are poor, but if you buy something new, toss out something old. stop letting things pile up. i will probably downsize some of my decor even though i dont have much to start with. and as many of you know, i love shopping and clothes.... especially for hazel. today i was able to purge more than half my clothes and shoes. i dont know how i will do this with hazels stuff though. im just starting small and moving my life into simplicity. i think i will fall in between a organizer and minimalist. i am doing this to mostly get organized and yes to feel like i dont always NEED NEED NEED.
since my last pregnancy loss, my shopping has been out of control. ive been justifying hazel having so many new things b/c we are not having to pay for another child in daycare and other expenses. its getting me into trouble! i was reading a blog and it was talking about people shopping b/c it gives you a high and then you just keep doing it to feel good. and it does feel so good :) i love fashion shows after a day of shopping! addiction!
so im trying to be realistic... i know i cannot NOT shop for a year like these people commit to. but i am making a conscience effort to shop less and more with a purpose when i do. purge a lot of things that we have not used for a long time. and live a little simpler in little ways. i may be back in a month and say i totally failed, but at least im making the effort at something positive.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
Holshousers-party of 3!
so the last time i posted (not the one i posted 5 minutes ago of course) i was pretty devastated to end my days of pregnancy on a bad note. after a few weeks of more soul searching and many, many discussions, i am feeling really good about the idea of hazel being our one and only child (here on earth). i feel like there are so many reasons in our lives to be done. obviously recurrent miscarriage being the main reason, but im also realizing its very important to my mental health. my main priority currently is getting all my anxiety and depression under control that has taken over me the past 10 years. trying to conceive makes me more anxious and depressed, i hold back from working out which is really important, and i cannot take certain medication (or i dont want to) if i could possibly be pregnant. ive also realized just having a child makes me so much more anxious and stressed some days. adding another for me would probably cause me to take my stress out on hazel or tyson, which makes none of our lives better. why would i want to do that? plus things that make me feel great are traveling, being outdoors and on adventures with my fam, and my relaxation time i get each night when haze goes to bed! some people can do all these things with 2 or more kids.... me, not so much. i was really hard on myself through the baby stage and im not sure its a great idea to go back. im realizing how each person is different in what they can handle. honestly im proud of myself for realizing what is best for my family and me and not making a choice mostly based just on what everyone else does. of course there is still part of me that wants to be able to handle a big family, but i cant and thats okay. ill spoil all my nieces and nephews and hazel will be close with them. we are still very upset about all our losses but keep feeling like maybe its happening for a reason. maybe i needed more time to think and i was so masked by the need to get pregnant again and show my body i can do it. maybe not. i really dont know. but i do know that right now im very happy with our decision to have our little family of 3!
21 months
so yeah im not great on updating all the new things haze is doing to my blog like i mean to. i think about it often but dont take time to sit down and do it. honestly im not feeling motivated much right now, but i feel like i need to. so this may be short and im sure ill forget so much.
last month hazel seemed to have quite the attitude... i know most would say she always does. its really not true. she is just nervous and very observant around people. the last month was a lot worse though b/c tysons brother came to visit and my family did as well all at the same time. she began telling anyone NO who got near her and tried to say hi. this lasted probably a good 3 weeks. right into old settlers where we see so many people who say, 'ooooh my isn't she just a doll!!!' and hazel replies with 'NO!!!' at first i was so embarrassed and trying to correct her. after a few weeks i realized me making a big deal of it and in so many words telling her 'no', it was just happening more. so i stopped. i could tell people kinda judged that i was letting my kid be rude maybe, but i just apologized and said shes going through a scared phase. after all, as an SLP im happy she is communicating and thinking about things. new people are scary and at 1 1/2 she doesnt know if im leaving her with them or why they are at our house. when i stopped stressing about it, it stopped. its nice to be back to my little sweetie pie. and im still learning that its okay that shes shy, reluctant, and sensitive. hub said he was this same way as a kid. he turned out wonderful :)
other new things she is doing... well this is new, but i guess more advanced-singing. she sings soooo many songs. and has so many words right i cant believe it. for my bday in july i was so surprised when she chimed in with tyce to sing happy birthday and she did for him yesterday too. i hear her on the monitor in the morning singing A, B, C, D, E, F, G... then after that i think she starts singing twinkle twinkle. im so impressed. we really do not 'work' on things. tyson sings to her in the bathtub and we do other times but im sure most of it comes from daycare. im so happy she loves it there.
really in general her speech and language is fantastic. she says 3-5 word sentences and repeats anything you say... not always great. she amazes me with what she knows.
books, books, books. hazel loves books. she always has since a very young age. but lately, its ALL she wants to do. she has seriously not touched a toy in her toy basket in over a week. i know this sounds weird but tonight i was questioning if something was wrong. i mean its an obsession. all she wants to do is read! girlfriend, PLAY!!!!! i still feel like missing out on the exploratory stage around 6-12 months somewhat affected her play skills. she does pretend play which is advanced, but she doesnt like to play independently a lot and shes not getting into things and being creative with random things! (carrie, advice please) she would rather us be there with her showing her what to do. we try to give her opportunities to play on her own but it usually doesn't last too long... unless its with books :) but i know a bookworm is a good thing!
in the area of gross motor, haze has made a lot of improvements this past month. a few weeks ago i noticed the slip through (her arms raising up when you pick her up under her armpits) disappearing!! remember this should be gone after the first few months of life. honestly we kind of haven't been working on too much therapy wise b/c it didn't seem to help and i thought it would just always be that way. but i guess it just improved on its own suddenly! she still feels very heavy to carry but i do believe her core is improving. but of course when shes worn out shes less likely to help. but i have noticed recently she can lay back by putting her arms behind her, then down to her elbows, then all the way down. yay!!!! this is helping her to not fall back as much! relief!! also, her little toddler waddle has disappeared. she walks and runs like a big girl on a mission. its so cute to see, but shes growing into a little girl so fast!
finally, this week we decided to potty train. she was showing a lot of readiness signs so we went with it! she has been doing really well! on her first day to daycare after only 3 days of training she only had 1 accident and her teachers said it was their fault b/c they were busy. today she had more accidents at daycare but i think there were different teachers that maybe didnt know all the mommy tricks like her teacher yesterday. we will see how the next 3 days at home goes and hopefully when she returns to daycare next week things will go even better. i love when she goes potty she stands up and says 'yay big girl, hazie. daddys a boy. potty treat!' her little voice when she says 'big girl' is pretty much the cutest thing ive ever heard.
okay so wow i thought that would be short but i guess not. im sure there is a lot i left out but this is our almost 2 year old's update :)
last month hazel seemed to have quite the attitude... i know most would say she always does. its really not true. she is just nervous and very observant around people. the last month was a lot worse though b/c tysons brother came to visit and my family did as well all at the same time. she began telling anyone NO who got near her and tried to say hi. this lasted probably a good 3 weeks. right into old settlers where we see so many people who say, 'ooooh my isn't she just a doll!!!' and hazel replies with 'NO!!!' at first i was so embarrassed and trying to correct her. after a few weeks i realized me making a big deal of it and in so many words telling her 'no', it was just happening more. so i stopped. i could tell people kinda judged that i was letting my kid be rude maybe, but i just apologized and said shes going through a scared phase. after all, as an SLP im happy she is communicating and thinking about things. new people are scary and at 1 1/2 she doesnt know if im leaving her with them or why they are at our house. when i stopped stressing about it, it stopped. its nice to be back to my little sweetie pie. and im still learning that its okay that shes shy, reluctant, and sensitive. hub said he was this same way as a kid. he turned out wonderful :)
other new things she is doing... well this is new, but i guess more advanced-singing. she sings soooo many songs. and has so many words right i cant believe it. for my bday in july i was so surprised when she chimed in with tyce to sing happy birthday and she did for him yesterday too. i hear her on the monitor in the morning singing A, B, C, D, E, F, G... then after that i think she starts singing twinkle twinkle. im so impressed. we really do not 'work' on things. tyson sings to her in the bathtub and we do other times but im sure most of it comes from daycare. im so happy she loves it there.
really in general her speech and language is fantastic. she says 3-5 word sentences and repeats anything you say... not always great. she amazes me with what she knows.
books, books, books. hazel loves books. she always has since a very young age. but lately, its ALL she wants to do. she has seriously not touched a toy in her toy basket in over a week. i know this sounds weird but tonight i was questioning if something was wrong. i mean its an obsession. all she wants to do is read! girlfriend, PLAY!!!!! i still feel like missing out on the exploratory stage around 6-12 months somewhat affected her play skills. she does pretend play which is advanced, but she doesnt like to play independently a lot and shes not getting into things and being creative with random things! (carrie, advice please) she would rather us be there with her showing her what to do. we try to give her opportunities to play on her own but it usually doesn't last too long... unless its with books :) but i know a bookworm is a good thing!
in the area of gross motor, haze has made a lot of improvements this past month. a few weeks ago i noticed the slip through (her arms raising up when you pick her up under her armpits) disappearing!! remember this should be gone after the first few months of life. honestly we kind of haven't been working on too much therapy wise b/c it didn't seem to help and i thought it would just always be that way. but i guess it just improved on its own suddenly! she still feels very heavy to carry but i do believe her core is improving. but of course when shes worn out shes less likely to help. but i have noticed recently she can lay back by putting her arms behind her, then down to her elbows, then all the way down. yay!!!! this is helping her to not fall back as much! relief!! also, her little toddler waddle has disappeared. she walks and runs like a big girl on a mission. its so cute to see, but shes growing into a little girl so fast!
finally, this week we decided to potty train. she was showing a lot of readiness signs so we went with it! she has been doing really well! on her first day to daycare after only 3 days of training she only had 1 accident and her teachers said it was their fault b/c they were busy. today she had more accidents at daycare but i think there were different teachers that maybe didnt know all the mommy tricks like her teacher yesterday. we will see how the next 3 days at home goes and hopefully when she returns to daycare next week things will go even better. i love when she goes potty she stands up and says 'yay big girl, hazie. daddys a boy. potty treat!' her little voice when she says 'big girl' is pretty much the cutest thing ive ever heard.
okay so wow i thought that would be short but i guess not. im sure there is a lot i left out but this is our almost 2 year old's update :)
Saturday, August 3, 2013
my only child
since our recent miscarriage we have had many heated discussions about trying for another baby. tyson is absolutely 100% against it. im just heartbroken by this news b/c i feel we should try again. let me just start with saying i TOTALLY understand where he is coming from. he's tired of seeing his child on the u/s with a beautiful beating heart and then going back to the next u/s in high spirits and hopeful, and it turning into the darkest day ever. he's tired of sending me off to surgery to have our dead baby removed from me and worrying that i may hemorrhage again and not make it this time. he's tired of seeing me sad, exhausted, and heartbroken too. i get it all. but in a mother's heart you always want more living, beautiful babies to hold. its not fair. we got pregnant by surprise which is so exciting! but since it was by surprise, i wasn't on meds to help me carry the baby. now i feel like my final chance is ripped away from me. if i could just have one more chance with all the right meds that helped hazel to be here today i swear i would be done after that. of course if he agreed i would probably try a million more times to have a baby here with us but he doesn't want to. im just asking for one.more.try.
i know people are just trying to be helpful but they say 'oh it will happen when you least expect it.' yes i know this! it has! its not a good thing! i need to have everything in order before i get pregnant to make sure baby will stick. unfortunately i got pregnant without knowing. i lost a baby and a best friend from the deal (which is a whole 'nother story).
id like to stay hopeful that he will change his mind in time. but i know he feels very strongly about it. i would rather know now anyways than being hopeful he will change his mind in a few years and be let down then. i want to deal and move on.
i also want to say i know my sweet hazel is a blessing. when we were having miscarriages years ago i just wished at least for one baby. i couldn't be happier. i know there was a high chance of us not having any children. tyson wanted to be done right before we tried for hazel. i think he knew i would be truly insane if i did not have a child. all ive ever wanted is to be a great wife and mom. and i am that. i couldnt be more thankful for what i have. i think i just never really pictured her being an only child though. i have to get all the what if's out of my head: what if something happened to our only child, what if something happened to both of us, what if shes upset she has no siblings, what if shes lonely.... this list goes on forever. trust me. i am trying to focus on all the blessings i have right now, quit comparing my family to others, and look at all the positives of having one, which surprisingly im seeing are a lot!!
i think im just thinking like majority of people do- that you just don't have ONE kid. well we do now. we have one fucking awesome kid. i know im her mom, but i truly think shes a really amazing person. sweet, caring, loving, beautiful, happy, funny, joyous, smart baby girl.
(sorry some of the post was graphic, but its how i feel and real life. deal with it.)
i know people are just trying to be helpful but they say 'oh it will happen when you least expect it.' yes i know this! it has! its not a good thing! i need to have everything in order before i get pregnant to make sure baby will stick. unfortunately i got pregnant without knowing. i lost a baby and a best friend from the deal (which is a whole 'nother story).
id like to stay hopeful that he will change his mind in time. but i know he feels very strongly about it. i would rather know now anyways than being hopeful he will change his mind in a few years and be let down then. i want to deal and move on.
i also want to say i know my sweet hazel is a blessing. when we were having miscarriages years ago i just wished at least for one baby. i couldn't be happier. i know there was a high chance of us not having any children. tyson wanted to be done right before we tried for hazel. i think he knew i would be truly insane if i did not have a child. all ive ever wanted is to be a great wife and mom. and i am that. i couldnt be more thankful for what i have. i think i just never really pictured her being an only child though. i have to get all the what if's out of my head: what if something happened to our only child, what if something happened to both of us, what if shes upset she has no siblings, what if shes lonely.... this list goes on forever. trust me. i am trying to focus on all the blessings i have right now, quit comparing my family to others, and look at all the positives of having one, which surprisingly im seeing are a lot!!
i think im just thinking like majority of people do- that you just don't have ONE kid. well we do now. we have one fucking awesome kid. i know im her mom, but i truly think shes a really amazing person. sweet, caring, loving, beautiful, happy, funny, joyous, smart baby girl.
(sorry some of the post was graphic, but its how i feel and real life. deal with it.)
Thursday, June 20, 2013
pregnancy number 6
its crazy when the nurse asks me what pregnancy this is for me. 6th. thats a lot of little babies, but only one sweet miracle to show for it.
pregnancy number 6 was a surprise. we never wanted to prevent again since we have had trouble in the past. we actually were trying to be careful b/c i was going to mexico. well God had a plan for us and the pee stick had 2 lines. shocked but excited of course! blood levels more than doubled like they needed to. first u/s was only at 5w5d so we expected to just see growth but no heartbeat yet. everything measured right on schedule and actually even a few days ahead which is a bonus! next week we went back for another u/s and baby measure a few days ahead again and a strong hb of 126 for only 6w4d. so they asked if i wanted to come back again the next week but i said lets wait a week and half to spread things out. so at 8w2d i was nervous like i am for every appt but there were no signs of anything bad to come. i was feeling nauseous and tired a lot. the dr started the scan. im pretty much a pro u/s tech now and can tell right away whats happening. there was no little flicker for heart and baby was very still. i watched him take a measurement of size and it said 7w4d. i just looked away and cried. he doesn't have to say a word b/c i already know whats happening. he calls in an u/s tech to get another opinion. she turns on the colorful tool where you can see blood flow. there was no color on baby. i could see tyson searching the screen and looking confused. we always know its a possibility but we were kind of surprised. with other pregnancies we had indications that things weren't good. not this time. we discussed different options of what to do now. we decided to go with the d&c. i didn't want to labor at home on the couch and have to take care of a child while go through this painful (mentally and physically) method. plus last time we did the induction meds it took a few weeks to complete everything with 2 rounds of meds. i am also hoping the d&c helps my body to get my hormones back to normal. its no fun feeling tired and sick when theres nothing to be tired and sick for.
so the bad news came tuesday, and today we had the d&c. its odd b/c i dont feel like im giving myself time to grieve right now. i was worried about hazel and what if something happened to me. i also think im just numb. i remember going through the loss of my parents there were points i just could not physically cry anymore. my brain detaches and just feels lost. actually at my dads burial i didnt even cry. i just stood there in a zone. i remember someone asking if i was okay b/c i wasnt crying. i just got tired. tired of feeling, crying, hurting. so my brain just stops. i feel like this is what im going through this week. i do cry at times (right now while i type), but other times its like im not connecting what it happening. TMI: it used to be every bathroom trip was emotional seeing what was going on with other losses. im not letting myself really make that connection this time.
okay back to today... so of course they schedule a pregnant lady's, who is starving and nauseous when you dont eat, surgery for the afternoon so you cant eat from midnight on. they gave me a nausea patch and some meds in my iv to help. speaking of the iv... i always tell the vampires my veins are not cooperative. they look at you like 'ive heard it all before... whatev'. i told the lady some of my past horror stories and she says 'i wont stick you 50 times like that'. shes eating those words. she tried my elbow first. first you get the numbing meds that sting like a mother. then comes the iv... twist, turn, in, out, wait its no longer in, okay i think i got it, oh your arm is ballooning up, the vein blew and all the fluid is going under your arm. so she takes it out then painfully is trying to push hard to get all the fluid out. i just wanted to scream stop. tyson was holding me and reminding me to breathe. i thought i was but each time he said it i realized i wasn't. so then onto the wrist. numbing meds, burning, dang i cant get it again, in, out, okay i guess ill call someone else to try, then she finally got it. i have needle phobia and these bitches wonder why. [needles]s to say, my arms are swollen and bruised. (wonder how i will explain that at work since i told everyone my husband had surgery).
so after that trauma, my dr came in. he is new and tuesday was the first time we met. he is the head of the ob team and i really like him. today impressed me even more. he walked in and recognized us right away. he had talked to our specialist we went to with hazel and he just remembered everything they talked about and so much history about me. i finally feel like i have a dr who remembers me and cares. all others are nice but i just dont stand out in their mind. hes very caring, knowledgable, and thorough. i met the rest of the crew and then headed back. it didnt take long to be off in sleepy land. i woke up crying for hazel. i just kept saying i missed my daughter. they nurse started crying and saying i know. i realized she was confused. i explained i have a living child and i was missing her. and glad to be alive :) i recovered quickly this time. the dr said i did hemorrhage again but not bad or not too long i guess. he said im just a bleeder. he put some cytotec up my bum again to help do the work. but finally food and drink. well just saltines and sprite but i downed those puppies. i was ready to get out of there and see my girl. her hugs and kisses made me feel great. now im home and in bed, wondering why i cant sleep when i took a strong pain pill over an hr ago. i felt the need for blogging. lots of thoughts running through my mind tonight.
i know things are still fresh, but the thought of having more children is always on my mind. im soooo not ready for awhile. maybe 6 months to a year at least. but my concern is tyce. he was done after pregnancy number 3. im glad he finally got on board with keeping trying b/c we have a little girl from the perseverance. but he seems very adamant about no more trying now. i just dont see haze as an only child or us having no more children. i am extremely blessed to have her and understand im lucky to have a child. and i absolutely dont want to go through loss again. but i always wonder what if. what if that next time would work. what if it was just so easy next time. i guess we will have time to decide.
in the meantime i need to get back to me! ive been so tired and nauseous and lazy. ive been feeling like a bad wife and mom. when i had all my m/c before i got in such a depression from feeling like constant crap. fluctuating hormones makes you tired, sick, depressed. i feel like a crazy mess and hate it. i just want to be that fun wife and mommy again and enjoying life. im hoping things feel normal again soon. hazel keeps me motivated to get in the right frame of mind to try to get there. hopefully i can start working out and doing things to make myself feel good.
well hopefully this pill will kick in soon and i can get sleep. peace and love.
pregnancy number 6 was a surprise. we never wanted to prevent again since we have had trouble in the past. we actually were trying to be careful b/c i was going to mexico. well God had a plan for us and the pee stick had 2 lines. shocked but excited of course! blood levels more than doubled like they needed to. first u/s was only at 5w5d so we expected to just see growth but no heartbeat yet. everything measured right on schedule and actually even a few days ahead which is a bonus! next week we went back for another u/s and baby measure a few days ahead again and a strong hb of 126 for only 6w4d. so they asked if i wanted to come back again the next week but i said lets wait a week and half to spread things out. so at 8w2d i was nervous like i am for every appt but there were no signs of anything bad to come. i was feeling nauseous and tired a lot. the dr started the scan. im pretty much a pro u/s tech now and can tell right away whats happening. there was no little flicker for heart and baby was very still. i watched him take a measurement of size and it said 7w4d. i just looked away and cried. he doesn't have to say a word b/c i already know whats happening. he calls in an u/s tech to get another opinion. she turns on the colorful tool where you can see blood flow. there was no color on baby. i could see tyson searching the screen and looking confused. we always know its a possibility but we were kind of surprised. with other pregnancies we had indications that things weren't good. not this time. we discussed different options of what to do now. we decided to go with the d&c. i didn't want to labor at home on the couch and have to take care of a child while go through this painful (mentally and physically) method. plus last time we did the induction meds it took a few weeks to complete everything with 2 rounds of meds. i am also hoping the d&c helps my body to get my hormones back to normal. its no fun feeling tired and sick when theres nothing to be tired and sick for.
so the bad news came tuesday, and today we had the d&c. its odd b/c i dont feel like im giving myself time to grieve right now. i was worried about hazel and what if something happened to me. i also think im just numb. i remember going through the loss of my parents there were points i just could not physically cry anymore. my brain detaches and just feels lost. actually at my dads burial i didnt even cry. i just stood there in a zone. i remember someone asking if i was okay b/c i wasnt crying. i just got tired. tired of feeling, crying, hurting. so my brain just stops. i feel like this is what im going through this week. i do cry at times (right now while i type), but other times its like im not connecting what it happening. TMI: it used to be every bathroom trip was emotional seeing what was going on with other losses. im not letting myself really make that connection this time.
okay back to today... so of course they schedule a pregnant lady's, who is starving and nauseous when you dont eat, surgery for the afternoon so you cant eat from midnight on. they gave me a nausea patch and some meds in my iv to help. speaking of the iv... i always tell the vampires my veins are not cooperative. they look at you like 'ive heard it all before... whatev'. i told the lady some of my past horror stories and she says 'i wont stick you 50 times like that'. shes eating those words. she tried my elbow first. first you get the numbing meds that sting like a mother. then comes the iv... twist, turn, in, out, wait its no longer in, okay i think i got it, oh your arm is ballooning up, the vein blew and all the fluid is going under your arm. so she takes it out then painfully is trying to push hard to get all the fluid out. i just wanted to scream stop. tyson was holding me and reminding me to breathe. i thought i was but each time he said it i realized i wasn't. so then onto the wrist. numbing meds, burning, dang i cant get it again, in, out, okay i guess ill call someone else to try, then she finally got it. i have needle phobia and these bitches wonder why. [needles]s to say, my arms are swollen and bruised. (wonder how i will explain that at work since i told everyone my husband had surgery).
so after that trauma, my dr came in. he is new and tuesday was the first time we met. he is the head of the ob team and i really like him. today impressed me even more. he walked in and recognized us right away. he had talked to our specialist we went to with hazel and he just remembered everything they talked about and so much history about me. i finally feel like i have a dr who remembers me and cares. all others are nice but i just dont stand out in their mind. hes very caring, knowledgable, and thorough. i met the rest of the crew and then headed back. it didnt take long to be off in sleepy land. i woke up crying for hazel. i just kept saying i missed my daughter. they nurse started crying and saying i know. i realized she was confused. i explained i have a living child and i was missing her. and glad to be alive :) i recovered quickly this time. the dr said i did hemorrhage again but not bad or not too long i guess. he said im just a bleeder. he put some cytotec up my bum again to help do the work. but finally food and drink. well just saltines and sprite but i downed those puppies. i was ready to get out of there and see my girl. her hugs and kisses made me feel great. now im home and in bed, wondering why i cant sleep when i took a strong pain pill over an hr ago. i felt the need for blogging. lots of thoughts running through my mind tonight.
i know things are still fresh, but the thought of having more children is always on my mind. im soooo not ready for awhile. maybe 6 months to a year at least. but my concern is tyce. he was done after pregnancy number 3. im glad he finally got on board with keeping trying b/c we have a little girl from the perseverance. but he seems very adamant about no more trying now. i just dont see haze as an only child or us having no more children. i am extremely blessed to have her and understand im lucky to have a child. and i absolutely dont want to go through loss again. but i always wonder what if. what if that next time would work. what if it was just so easy next time. i guess we will have time to decide.
in the meantime i need to get back to me! ive been so tired and nauseous and lazy. ive been feeling like a bad wife and mom. when i had all my m/c before i got in such a depression from feeling like constant crap. fluctuating hormones makes you tired, sick, depressed. i feel like a crazy mess and hate it. i just want to be that fun wife and mommy again and enjoying life. im hoping things feel normal again soon. hazel keeps me motivated to get in the right frame of mind to try to get there. hopefully i can start working out and doing things to make myself feel good.
well hopefully this pill will kick in soon and i can get sleep. peace and love.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
blog slacker
sorry i haven't posted in so long. i keep thinking of things to post about then don't. so what's been happening in our life? not too much really...
hazel is pretty much running. its hard to even remember her not walking. the past couple months she is getting allllll her teeth in. shes only had her top 4 and bottom 2 since I think like 10 months and now canines, incisors, molars, and all are coming in at once! fun times! last month she started putting 2 words together and this month has put 3 words together a few times. well intelligible words... she tells long stories often but i dont understand it all. shes a talker. she really likes to talk about poop. maddie poop (the dogs-she refers to both of them as maddie), daddy poop. i always wonder if she talks about our little family pooping when shes at daycare and what they think about it. she names all her friends at daycare. she just picks up on things i dont even teach her. before i left for mexico she was singing twinkle twinkle little star. you cant understand all the words, but its pretty adorable. when i came back from mexico she was singing abc's... again its mostly just 'A, B, A, B...' to the tune. its cute. theres plenty more funny things she says but i wont bore you with my mommy proudness. she had therapy yesterday. her therapist feels she is doing well but she really should not have any slip through under her arms and still does quite a bit. she said long ago that crawling would help strengthen those muscles and she crawled for a long time but apparently it didn't strengthen them enough. so we will continue working on pulling things down with resistance or apart like we have for the past year. she also said to continue working on core exercises b/c hazel falls back and hits her head often. her core isn't strong enough to hold her up when she falls down. but at least most of her delays aren't noticeable by others.
we are loving that it is warmer out and we can play outside everyday. tyson runs while i ride my back with hazel on the back. hazel loves playing with her car, shopping cart, chalk, bubbles, water table, slide, sandbox, and picnic table outside. and tomorrow hazel is getting her dad a bike for fathers day so we can go bike riding together!
tyson and i still do our monthly date nights. tonight we are headed to a nice italian restaurant on the hill that we have a gift card to. luckily hazel goes to bed at 7 every night so we get date nights most nights tysons off. even if its just popcorn and a movie on the couch.
hopefully i will be better about updating. i will try to upload some pictures soon! happy summer everyone!
hazel is pretty much running. its hard to even remember her not walking. the past couple months she is getting allllll her teeth in. shes only had her top 4 and bottom 2 since I think like 10 months and now canines, incisors, molars, and all are coming in at once! fun times! last month she started putting 2 words together and this month has put 3 words together a few times. well intelligible words... she tells long stories often but i dont understand it all. shes a talker. she really likes to talk about poop. maddie poop (the dogs-she refers to both of them as maddie), daddy poop. i always wonder if she talks about our little family pooping when shes at daycare and what they think about it. she names all her friends at daycare. she just picks up on things i dont even teach her. before i left for mexico she was singing twinkle twinkle little star. you cant understand all the words, but its pretty adorable. when i came back from mexico she was singing abc's... again its mostly just 'A, B, A, B...' to the tune. its cute. theres plenty more funny things she says but i wont bore you with my mommy proudness. she had therapy yesterday. her therapist feels she is doing well but she really should not have any slip through under her arms and still does quite a bit. she said long ago that crawling would help strengthen those muscles and she crawled for a long time but apparently it didn't strengthen them enough. so we will continue working on pulling things down with resistance or apart like we have for the past year. she also said to continue working on core exercises b/c hazel falls back and hits her head often. her core isn't strong enough to hold her up when she falls down. but at least most of her delays aren't noticeable by others.
we are loving that it is warmer out and we can play outside everyday. tyson runs while i ride my back with hazel on the back. hazel loves playing with her car, shopping cart, chalk, bubbles, water table, slide, sandbox, and picnic table outside. and tomorrow hazel is getting her dad a bike for fathers day so we can go bike riding together!
tyson and i still do our monthly date nights. tonight we are headed to a nice italian restaurant on the hill that we have a gift card to. luckily hazel goes to bed at 7 every night so we get date nights most nights tysons off. even if its just popcorn and a movie on the couch.
hopefully i will be better about updating. i will try to upload some pictures soon! happy summer everyone!
Monday, April 29, 2013
April
I've been slacking on the blog front. April flew by. We are pretty boring lately. Just work, daycare, and sickness for us. We went to the zoo last week but it must have been field trip day b/c it was packed with kids and chaperones (I can't wait to do that stuff :) ). Haze liked to people watch rather than look at the animals. She loved riding the choo choo. It was fun seeing her so excited about it.
Hazel: She's walking all over. I rarely see her crawl anymore. She seems like such a big girl lately with walking and talking. Her favorite new word is "no". So fun ;) I shouldnt, but I giggle when she says it b/c its too cute. She love going (out)'side'. We are ready for this week of warm weather to get back out. She got a little set of clubs and daddy is teaching her how to golf. We will have her 18 month appt in a few weeks and I'm excited to go to a normal appt and only hear positive things :) Her pt appt is a few weeks after that and I think we will be discharged at that point!
Tyson: He's back to running! He swore he was done when he found out he more torn cartilage in the 'good' bad knee. A few injections, and now he thinks he is superman! Hoping he doesn't hurt his knees to the point of being able to not do much working out at all. Other than that, work training and more work.
Dana: I've been busy with Anna's wedding stuff. We threw her a shower a few weekends ago and the bach party is coming up soon. Then the first week in June to Mexico for her wedding! I'm so excited to have a few days alone to relax and celebrate with my BFF. But I will be sad to leave my little fam for those days. Since that is coming up I am going to wean Haze this month. I'm nervous for this. I know I have done a great job making it this far, but I do feel a little guilt stopping since she doesnt drink whole milk. Thankfully she is a pretty good eater. Work is going well. Flexibility, less hours, more money, and LOVING what you are doing-it doesnt get much better than that. I am running my first 5k in years in just 3 weeks. I haven't started training yet YIKES! I'm sick right now so its kind of hindering it. And well I just decided to do this a few days ago. Hazel will pushed in her stroller by her gparents while Tyce and I run. Let hope I finish!!
Happy almost May, blog followers!
P.S. My sister is having a baby girl!! Sooo excited for them :))))
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)