lots of thoughts going through my mind today

and hopefully this is my final post of the day. i just discovered that on our chromosome report, it will tell us the sex of our baby :( i mean i guess i should have known that, but i was thinking more about the cause of our baby not making it. why does this make everything seem more sad? its like it just makes it that much more real that we lost a baby. do we not use the boy or girl name we liked in the future b/c it was meant for this one? do we call this baby by that name? it never got that far into pregnancy that i had thought about all these things. it makes me sad, but i am still curious and feel like i have to find out now. my day has truly been a roller coaster... up... down.... up.... down.