today sucks

i am so bored today. i need to be cleaning myself but instead ive been staring at this computer for the past 2 hours. i think im just nervous for tomorrow. i know there will be no sleeping for this girl tonight. right now tysons sleeping and everyone else is working. but i dont feel like being around many people anyways besides hub and mom. just wish i could get myself motivated to stay busy today. im doing the opposite. looking stuff up online and going in circles is such a smart idea. yes i am sad thinking about what is actually happening tomorrow (bye bye baby) but i think im getting nervous about all the stuff before. just being in a hospital gown in a cold hospital room. needles-fucking hate needles. ill be crying more about that than anything else. ive had more needle sticks in the past few months than i ever had in my life combined but after the fainting incident, im a major phobic. the whole atmosphere makes me want to cry. tube down my throat-ouch. you feel like your going to a dark place you might not come back from. i just hope they see im a freak, numb my arm (nice people do that for me), get the iv in, and give me that good stuff where i feel higher than a kite til they actually put me under. that stuff is the only good part of surgery. okay im giving myself a tummy ache. wish me luck.